When struggling with fertility, there is always the question of who to tell. Do I tell my mom? If I tell my mom, does that mean I have to tell my mother-in-law? What about my friends? If I don't tell them, am I lying to them? Just because I tell them some things, do I have to tell them everything? What do I do when someone asks me if I'm trying to get pregnant?
Let me introduce you to a concept from the marvelous Byron Katie. There are 3 types of business:
1. Yours
2. Theirs
3. Gods
I'll give you some examples:
You probably know what "your" business is: what you are having for lunch, how you wear your hair, your decision to pursue fertility treatment.
"Their" business: how much time your husband spends following his favorite sports team. Even if he spends 50 hours a week, that's his business. If you're spending 10 hours a week stewing about his habits, that's 10 hours you can't be focused on your business, because you're over in his. Whenever you are in someone else's business, you aren't focused on yourself and what you need in the present moment. Meaning? You aren't a happy camper. You can NOT be happy when you are in someone else's business. You're spending your time wishing the present moment was different, which is a complete waste of time and utterly frustrating to boot!
"God's" business: the fact that it is raining and has been raining for a week. You don't like it. You don't like what it does to traffic, your hair, your shoes and your attitude. Again, you are spending your time in business not of your own making. How is being frustrated over something you can't control serving you? It isn't.
I tell you all this in an effort to help you fully take ownership of your own business. It is yours and yours alone. And knowing how futile it is for you to be in someone else's business, makes it easier (at least for me) to recognize when someone is trying to get in my business. I act like a big bad bouncer in front of a nightclub. You two can come in. You- no way. You, yes, but you have to pay me $20. I have different rules for everyone, and I make no apologies!
So when it comes to who to tell, what to tell them, and when to tell them, I say it's your business. What you choose to share and not share is up to you and your spouse (I do recommend being on the same page when it comes to sharing your private joint business.) Can you tell someone and then change your mind about what you want to share with them in the future? Absolutely! If you feel someone is angry with you over that decision, silently remind yourself this person is trying to get in your business, and the only person who belongs in your business is you.
In the world of fertility challenges, there is a lot you can't control. One thing you can is who you tell. Don't be afraid to harness that control!!! Give yourself full permission to tell and/or not tell any and everyone. If you struggle with this, call me and I'll give you permission:) Hell, I give you permission right now! I love giving people permission to fully own their business!!
